Life, Love, and God
by LFO
Summary: A fic based more off of philosophy than a plotline. Still has a plotline, though. I suck at summaries. KaoruXShinji in the last chapter. COMPLETE!
1. Life, Love, and God

A/N: Yes, yes, I know, the title is very corny. But please, just read it. I wrote this immediately after Episode 24 of Neon Genesis Evangelion, and not only does it have deep philosophical meaning to the series, but it also has meaning to me. I rated it M because, for one thing, these types of thoughts are not for children, and I doubt that many could understand them. And, for another, Later on in the story, I will have other, more…spicy…Chapters following this one. Okay! Now, for the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion; I only own this story/plot line. And if you steal it, I'll kill you!

Who am I?

What am I?

Who is God?

What is God?

In the place that we, as humans, cannot reach, does a person achieve that which we desire the most?

Do we long for it, that thing we call love?

And yet…we throw it away, aimlessly, at the wind…never wishing to be hurt. What we don't realize is that we are hurting ourselves…

Is that what you wish, my Shinji-kun?

Wh-who are you?

Don't you know, my Shinji-kun? I am the one who you desire the most, the person who you wish would love you, and in return, you can love me.

Who am I?

What am I?

Am I God?

If so, can God truly be defined as one being?

In my soul, I know, for a fact, that I am in love. With whom, I know not…

Do I long to be loved?

And yet…no one loves me. No one cares. All they care about is themselves. They give themselves in to false hopes, to false dreams, and never realize the reality before them. What they don't realize is that they are hurting themselves…

So, what is it, my Shinji? What is your deepest desire? What do you desire the most, from the very depths of your soul?

To be loved, and to be able to love in return…

Then, I shall grant you your wish, my love…It's a promise.

A/N: Okay, there's what I call chapter 1. I really like where this is going, so I'm going to continue writing this, and update in an undisclosed amount of time. I haven't seen the movies yet, but the way the series ended, I can have my way with it in any manner I want. Heeheehee…I…am………………………………

PERVY! Heeheehee…


	2. Desire, Fear, and Hate

A/N: Look, I'm leaving in a bit (on the 9th of June, for a family trip), and I won't be back till the 28th, so I'm sorry to leave you all hanging, but I can't do anything more than this right now. Again, I'm sorry, and I hope that this second chapter will be enough to keep you hooked.

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, or it's plot line, and I do not own the slight Kingdom Hearts plot line inserted into this chapter. But, other than that, this chapter is MINE! I AM POSSESING IT!

Ch 2

I've been having these weird dreams lately…

Like, is any of it…for real…?

…or not?

Life seems so twisted and cruel…

Why!? Why do I have these dreams!? My father tells me that I'm an idiot, believing that they're true, and then he says crazy thoughts like 'I'm gonna bring you back, Yui…my precious Yui…', and 'Don't worry, Yui…all of our dreams will come to fruition, you'll see! You'll see!', all the while talking to his hand. Why!? Why is he doing that!?

This world is moronic and hard to understand. Who am I?

I am I.

But, if I am I, that who am I in other people's minds?

In the case of Asuka (A/N: just pretend I'm saying her full name, middle and all), Shinji, in Asuka's mind, exists as Shinji's mind inside of Asuka, and Asuka exists in Shinji's mind as Asuka's mind inside of Shinji.

In the case of Rei (A/N: I forgot to put this in at first, so I edited it; same thing as Asuka, pretend it's her full name), Shinji, in Asuka's mind, exists as Shinji's mind inside of Rei, and Rei exists in Shinji's mind as Rei's mind inside of Shinji.

The same goes for the case of Misato (A/N: you get the drill; I wanted this part to sound formal, but I don't know their full names), as well.

Thus, people's minds are defined by your connections with other people. I understand that now. But still…what is that being, that thing we call an angel? Is it really a messenger of God? Or is it simply a perfect being, created by or not created by God?

Then, who is God?

Which question do I _really_ want answered?

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_(flashback)_

(1)

"Kaoru-kun…said 'I love you'…"

Did he really mean it?

"…To me!"

Was he saying it at me, or through me? (A/N: sorry if this part is hard to understand; I meant, like, saying it to something behind you, so you would be looking at him, but saying it through him)

"For the first time…for the first time, I heard those words."

Was it really the first time? Or did I want it to be…? Did I want to fall in love with an angel?

"He looked like me."

He looked like Father.

"And Ayanami."

And Mother.

"I loved him."

What is love?

"Kaoru-kun should have been the one to survive."

I should have been the one who died.

"He was much better than I am."

I'm pathetic; worthless. No one wants me; not even Father. I should just go someplace far away...To where Kaoru is…It would make life much easier on the rest of society.

"He should have survived."

To live on, to love on.

"No."

What?

"A survivor only needs the will to survive."

Is that really true? Then, what is my will? What do I live for?

"He wished to die."

Why!? He could have had everything he would have ever wanted. WHY!? WHY DID HE LEAVE ME!?

"He abandoned the will to live, and depended on false hope."

What was this false hope that you speak of? Was…was it me!?

"You weren't wrong, Shinji-kun."

…

"You're cold, Misato-san."

I wonder…is this how you act with _him_?(2)

_(end of flashback)_

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Who do you fear?

What do you fear?

Who do you hate?

What do you hate?

Can one achieve happiness through hatred and fear?

Do we long for the thing called love?

In a perfect world, the world would be empty of fear and hate, and everyone would love each other equally. I wonder, would we be able to achieve happiness in a world devoid of emotion?

Is that what you desire, my Shinji-kun?

I know who you are…

You know who I am? Then, do you know _what_ I am? Do you despise me for it? Do you hate me? Do you fear me? Or…do you love me…?

I…I don't know…I don't really know what love is. I've never been loved since I was a child, and I've never had the opportunity to love another person, so I…I don't know…

Is that the truth? Or are you just lying to yourself, to protect yourself from the truth?

Protect myself…? The truth…?

The voice snickered. I suppose that you need more time to understand just what you feel, my Shinji-kun. Until then, I shall always watch over you. I shall always be with you, together forever. Is that what you desire?

Desire…Fear…Hate…Love…What are these things that we call Emotion?

(1) In this part, Shinji is thinking of a past conversation with Misato, and commenting on it in his mind. Truthfully, the whole thing so far has been the thoughts of Shinji, with some…other…things that I don't want to explain right now

(2) Misato's boyfriend, if that isn't clear

A/N: So, how do you like it so far? I tried to be creative, and combine a plot line with actual philosophical thoughts of mine, so tell me what you think. Reviews are always nice, so don't hesitate to hit that little button down there. It's not that hard people; just do it!

EDIT: I added some things that I forgot in the original, and also, I added some footnotes to clear up some vague parts (at least what I thought was vague)


	3. Angels, Demons, and Humans

A/N: I decided that I would try to pump out as many chapters as I can before I leave, because 1) I'm bored, and 2) The plot is starting to bug me severely. I must write it down.

Disclaimer: I do not own NGE, blah, blah, blah.

Ch 3

The dreams…The dreams, they just repeat, over and over, inside my head…they're driving me past my limit.

I don't know how long I slept last night.

Father keeps on telling me that I won't be able to pilot EVA properly if I don't get enough sleep. The problem is, NERVE broke down nearly two months ago. I don't know what's wrong with him, but Father's been out of his mind more and more lately; Misato and Asuka too.

All that Misato does all day is sit there, re-playing his message over, and over, and over, while drinking beer and eating. Pen-Pen's over with the Class Rep, and I'm starting to think that I should just tell her to keep him.

The other day, Asuka decided that she 'hated Rei's guts more than she hated herself', and went and killed her. I tried to stop her, but she just kept screaming 'She's a doll! She's a doll! I don't want to be momma's doll! I don't want to die!'.

…Nothing in this world makes sense anymore. The world I tried so hard to uphold with Kindness and Hope is crumbling before my eyes. I honestly don't know what's been keeping me going these past couple of days.

You don't? I feel so hurt, my Shinji-kun.

It's you…I know who you are. You're the Devil, and you're God.

So, you finally found me out, my Shinji-kun. The two beings man loves and fears the most…how ironic, that they're one and the same.

You're lying! In my mind, you're only one person! You are…

What? An Angel? What a pointless term. Angels and Demons, two different beings, yet two identical beings. I wonder, why do you Humans call those creatures I sent 'Angels'? Wouldn't it make sense that, since we are perfect beings, but we fell from the 'heavens', that we are 'Demons'? Which form would you like me to take for you, my Shinji-kun? An 'Angel', or a 'Demon'?

Neither; I want you to take the form of a Human.

But, Shinji, didn't you realize it? All three of those beings, they're all one and the same. You created me, Shinji, and you killed me. Can you deal with that Fear? That Hate? That Desire?

No…no, you're lying! Just…just shut up! I don't want to hear any more of this!

…Fine. But, I warn you; I will not show myself to you until you can accept the truth.

A/N: Actually, I know exactly what I'm gonna do after this fic. I've decided that this is going to be the prequel, and once I come back, I'll post the sequel. I even have the entire plot line down in my head.

Anyways, please review? Please? I know it was probably really creepy, but you can at least say that! Say ANYTHING! Just please review?


	4. Conception of an Idea

A/N: Hey, guys. No, I´m not back in the states; I´m currently typing this out in an internet café at the hotel I´m staying at, so don't think that I´m gonna be able to upload the next chapter any time soon. I decided that ch3 was a bad way to end a story, so I just said 'screw it, I´m just gonna continue the one I already have'. Plus, I kind of have a little writer´s block after having to deal with my annoying little step-brother for four straight days (he´s with his mom most of the time). So, I hope that you like it!

Ch 4

Shinji faded in and out of conciousness, unwilling and unable to stay awake. When he finally did wake up, he was hit with an intense feeling of hesitation, then fear.

Wh-where am I? Is this…Egypt? (1)

The voice in his head snickered. No, my Shinji-kun, it´s not. This…is the sea of blood. I made it for you, Shinji…out of the blood of angels…(2)

Wh-what?

Oh, don´t fret, my Shinji-kun. My…other…playthings called this the Red Sea. Isn´t it beautiful?

N-no! It´s disgusting! I hate you for it!

But, Shinji-kun…didn´t you know? I am the WORLD; an ultimate being. Only I alone have the power to create from nothing. My creations are different; they have to have a base to create anything. Art, machinery, ideas…all of them. So, don´t you understand? This is the product of Humanity´s longevity, gluttony, and greed. Don´t you see? You created this, Shinji.

…You´re cruel.

It´s the only way to survive in this cruel world, Shinji-kun. Haven´t you realizedthat yet? The Naivette of the young…Now, what path will you choose? Will you wish for the life you once had, the empty, cruel life where none appreciate your feelings as Shinji, and not the pilot of Eva unit 1, or…would you rather command the gods in the throne of the heavens? He´s waiting for you, Shinji…Lilith, his flesh, and his bones (3). Does your soul have the power to accomplish your goal?

…I don´t know…

What will you choose, my Shinji-kun? Accencsion or deccencsion? (A/N: Not sure I spelled that right; I´m using a Spanish computer, and Word doesn´t spell check in English)

Neither. I choose…Life, Love, and God.

1 What in NGE bears any resemblance to Egypt? Think pyramids, people, PYRAMIDS!

2 Please take into consideration here the two trinities that I have established in my story (AngelDemonHuman, GodDevilHuman)

3 Keep in mind that I´m listing things, not describing Lilith.

Look, Shinji-kun…the one that loves you is waiting. Don´t you see it? That foul beast, the mother of Humanity. She´s coming; she´s coming to steal you, to absorb you. Does your soul have the power to control her?

An orange aura surrounded Shinji as the two clashed, fighting over dominance.

Obey me!

Now that you have the bones, where is the skin? Shinji, you must get the skin; both are needed to create what you desire the most.

Oh, you´re doing so well, Shinji-kun…controlling to Evas at once with the power of your soul…Kaoru taught you so well!

Shut up!

Oh, but I´m having so much fun! I haven´t had a good playtoy in _ages_! By the way, don´t forget Adam! 3

Now, spread your wings, Shinji. You must, if you want to get to your destination.

…But I don´t have any…

You´ve always had them, Shinji-kun. They were always there; you just didn´t know how to use them. Oooh, god show, good show! 3

Shinji´s eyebrow twitched, annoyed. Am I just a playtoy to you? Is that all I am?

Of course not, my Shinji-kun. I am your gift from God; I am God; I am you; I am the WORLD; I am.

Now, Shinji, don´t be mad. Please fly to the site of the First Impact. To where it all began. Then, the fun will truly begin.

A/M: Well, how was it? The second half (after the breaker) I wrote when I had (and still have) a little writer´s block. It´s just that I wrote the first half on paper while taking a break while hiking up an extinct volcano (I hope you guys are happy that I typed all that up on the computer! You better be!), and I kinda thought that it was too short to make a chapter out of, so I continued to the point of no return. The next capter veers away from NGE´s plotline SEVERLY, so…don´t be mad at me? Please? Review! Even if I might not be able to respond for a couple of days-weeks!


	5. Realization of an Idea

AN: Hello again. I'm finally able to post my fifth chapter to my story, after five or so days since I wrote it, so I hope you all enjoy it. I'm having a fun time on my trip, but I kinda want it to end (I'm getting bored). Oh yeah, and remember those randomly placed 3's in the last chapter after the non-existent breaker (after the footnotes)? Those were supposed to be hearts (you know, with the carrot and then a three? Corny, but efficient), and I might go change them (they were supposed to show the voice's extreme enjoyment with playing with Shinji; the voice doesn't have a face, so there's no other way to express it other than a heart symbol), so from now on, just know that (heart) equals heart symbol.

Disclaimer: Wow, I forgot about this. I do not own NGE, but I do own this plotline which I wrote on pieces of paper that took a hell of a beating to get here, so you better not steal it, or I'll…I'll…I'll bitch and rant to you!

Warning: I never thought about this before, since I'm Atheist, but I am sorry if any of the religious bashing of my story hurts your feelings. I mean no harm, and if you are religious, proceed with caution.

Ch 5

Do you like the change of scenery, my Shinji-kun?

Is this…Terminal Dogma? (1)

Oh no, this is the North Pole, at the site of the first impact. Actually, I quite like the crimson red water, the giant icicles that stick out of the water, and the giant cross in the very middle of the only piece of land (AN: it's a crater) in this entire region. It gives the place an eerie sort of feeling, don't you think?

You promised you would help me; shut up and help me!

Ooooh, touchy! (heart)

If you don't want to help me, then I no longer have any-

Come now, Shinji. Don't be thinking suicidal thoughts this late in the game. I'm having too much fun to let you just die on me. (heart)

Talking about death, what do you think of Death, my Shinji-kun? Your ancestors seemed to think that Death was the key to some sort of paradise in the clouds. How stupid. Didn't they realize that the Gods' powers are limited to the universe that they exist in? Not even the Gods can beat the Laws of Physics.

…

What do you think of Heaven, my Shinji-kun? Do you consider it a paradise where angels fly around on white wings, the sky is always blue, and your deepest and darkest dreams and desires are fulfilled, and you can do anything you want? Or, do you think that there is no Heaven, and you just die and waste away? To me, both options seem boring.

…

A paradise where you have nothing to do but what you want, no necessity, no pattern, no culture, no pizzazz from living life; if it were me, that would be a life sentence of boredom. I'd want to kill myself; oh look, I just made a pun. Don't you think that that sounds more like Hell?

So, what is Death, my Shinji-kun? A tool used to give false hope to people who lived their lives in search of hope to live their pathetic existence; a tool used to brainwash children into believing the most ridiculous things, and hindering the development of what you humans call Science? Or, do you think it is simply a way of life?

Death is Existence. To exist is to live, and to exist is to die. Death is the end of the beginning, and the beginning of the end. You-(dramatic pause)are-(dramatic pause)Death.

AN: Oooh, did anyone see that coming? Stay tuned for the next chapter (seven in total), one which, hopefully, I will not have to type out with a friggin foreign keyboard! Please, please review! Come on! I spent all this time just to get my work to my precious readers, and I get barely any reviews? It doesn't take that long! Just click the button, and give me the reassurance that you actually exist, and read my story. It doesn't have to be long!


	6. Finalization of an Idea

A/N: I don't know _why_ I'm typing this up right now…I feel like shit…It's not you guys, and no, it's not that I probably won't get as many reviews on this or my other story as I would have liked; it's my stupid malaria meds. I have to take them for three weeks (only one per week, thank god) after coming back from Guatemala, so…yeah…I feel like shit right now. But I did promise that I'd update after I finished my one shot. You flame me, I'll kill you.

Disclaimer: I don't own NGE, blah, blah, blah.

Warning: Some of the content in this story might offend you if you are religious. Proceed with caution.

Ch 6

So you've finally acknowledged my existence, Shinji-kun. Oh, how amusing, I just made a pun…(heart)

You made me a promise; now, you will fulfill it.

Oh, alright, alright. But can you blame me for not wanting to give up my most interesting source of amusement in thousands of years?

…Don't you ever shut up?

Now, it's time for Eva 2 to fulfill her duty.

Shinji watched in horror as the machine devoured the piece of Lilith, with ferocity and animosity. It reminded him of the time Eva ate the thirteenth angel.

Then, to Shinji's disgust, Eva screamed a bloodcurdling scream, contorting in pain, it's body bulging as if it was going to explode. What happened next, Shinji would have never expected to happen in his wildest and most horrific dreams.

Eva game birth.

(A/N: Look, I don't care how you visualize that, cause I don't want to. Yes, a disgusting concept, but it was necessary; there was no other way)

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Now, Shinji, you're definitely not gonna like what you see, so be a good boy, and don't look.

Oh, and by the way, the thing that came out of Eva responds to your deepest desires; in other words, it turns into whoever you want it to.

…

What is that…that thing!?

Oh, that's just how SEELE created Kaoru. SEELE had a purpose in mind when they created him, but you don't. What you see before you is raw material…So, what is it that you desire the most?

I want to love, and be loved in return. Can't…can't anyone realize that!? Why…why doesn't anyone love me? Kaoru…

Shinji broke down, crying, and fell to his knees on the cold dirt in front of the cross. Suddenly, Shinji felt warmth on his back, arms around his waist, and a head resting on his shoulders. He heard the body holding him inhale loudly, taking in his scent.

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A/N: I'll probably update today or tomorrow, depending on how I feel, and how lazy I am. I was planning on making this longer, but whatever. Ch 7 is just gonna be even longer then what I originally planned, which was pretty damn long. Reviews are always appreciated. Please review?


	7. EndAscension

A/N: YAY! The final chapter of my first ever fanfic! Well, not first ever (there were a couple failed attempts that I _might_ look at one day), but first ever on FF! This chapter doesn't have my first, but my second lemon ever. Hope you enjoy this, cause it's the longest one yet, by far. Finally, we see the introduction of quotation marks!

Oh, and for anyone who didn't expect it to be Kaoru, what would be the point if it wasn't? It would defeat the purpose of being a KaoruXShinji fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own NGE, but I do own this plotline. If you even think you're gonna steal this, I'll blow your head off!

Warning: BoyLove present. Lemons and Limes and Death, oh my!

Ch 7

"W-who…? Kaoru…?"

"If that's who you want me to be." The boy said, taking in Shinji's scent.

"I'd love to tell you that you smell nice, but frankly, you stink." Kaoru said, chuckling..

"K-kaoru…y-you're…you're naked!" Said Shinji, blushing fiercely; Kaoru chuckled again.

"Well, isn't it obvious? Did you think that, when I was reborn, I would be fully clothed?" Shinji blushed even more, and looked away. "It would be nice to go take a bath. Maybe I could…scrub your back? (heart)" Shinji looked up again, looked away, and back again, his eyes betraying him.

"I…uh…um…s-s-sure…um…l-lets-" Shinji stopped abruptly as Kaoru chuckled softly.

"If it really bothers you that much, there might be a spare plug suit in Eva." With that, he started walking away, Shinji staring at his swaying hips as he went.

Death sighed, watching the two fly off to a place unbeknownst to him. "And I was having so much fun, too…Oh well. There'll be plenty of opportunities to play in the future…(heart)"

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"Surprise!" Kaoru said as he removed the blindfold he had put on Shinji in Eva.

"Kaoru…this is NERVE's bathhouse!"

"Yup. Bring back fond memories?" Shinji was lost in though as he remembered back to the time that Kaoru had confessed his love to him…Shinji smiled.

"Kaoru…thank you." Shinji turned to Kaoru, smiling, walked over to him, and placed a light kiss on his lips. Shinji started to walk away towards one of the baths, but Kaoru stopped him, grabbing his hand.

"I love you."

"I know. I love you, too." Shinji walked over to the bath, took off the small towel that Kaoru had managed to tie onto his waist, and settled into the warm waters of the bath, sighing contentedly.

"You look beautiful." Kaoru whispered into Shinji's ear, and he jumped.

"K-kaoru! Weren't you…weren't you over there?" Shinji pointed to the entrance of the baths.

"Yes," said Kaoru, taking off his towel and smirking as he watched Shinji stare at him. "but I walked over here. I wanted to take a bath with you. (heart)" Kaoru sat down on the opposite end of the bath, his legs getting entangled with Shinji's.

"But, Kaoru…these baths are only meant for one person…"

"Oh, but that's not gonna stop us."

"Ah!" Shinji yelled as Kaoru pulled him onto his lap. "K-kaoru, what are you doing!?"

"Just loving you…(heart)" Kaoru whispered onto Shinji's lips. Kaoru kissed Shinji, gently prodding with his tongue, asking for entrance. Shinji opened his mouth, tasting sweet apples…

Kaoru's hand traveled south, slowly inserting a finger into Shinji's sphincter; Shinji wriggled a little, visibly uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…It's just…The water feels really weird…" Kaoru's eyes widened, and he smirked.

"Would you rather do this out of the water?" Kaoru whispered into his ear, squeezing Shinji's ass.

"U-umm…well, we could always…stand up…" said Shinji, blushing fiercely.

"Good idea." Kaoru turned Shinji around in his lap so that his back was resting against his chest, and gently pushed inside of him. Shinji was about to protest when Kaoru lifted him up into the air, holding him up under his knees. "Better?" Shinji shivered, but nodded.

"I don't see what's so special wi-Ah!" Shinji gasped in surprise, a jolt of intense pleasure running up his spine. He whimpered and thrusted down on Kaoru, trying to make him hit that spot again. Kaoru wised up and hit it every time, loving how he could please the boy so easily. Kaoru walked over to the wall that separated the two rows of baths in the middle of the room, rested Shinji on it, and turned him around, still holding him up under his knees.

"How's this? I thought this position would be a bit more pe-" Shinji cut him off, grabbing his head and kissing him, asking for entrance into his mouth. Kaoru gave it, and the two exchanged a hungry kiss, all the while Shinji thrusting down on Kaoru's cock. Shinji broke the kiss for a moment, only to say 'Don't stop.'

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Shinji stood at the base of Mt. Fuji, listening to the Cicadas chirping their mating calls. Kaoru stood by his side, holding his hand. Eva one and two stood behind them, looking old and mysterious. A fresh summer breeze swept the empty fields, rustling acres of grass and rice.

"So, what now, Shinji? What next? We could always stay here, traveling across the world…viewing the sights. But I would rather ascend." Shinji looked at Kaoru, bewildered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you ever wondered what the next step in Human evolution is? What's left for Humanity?"

"Yeah…so?"

"Space, Shinji. It's the last frontier. The only place that your kind hasn't explored yet."

"So, you expect me to go along with you, traveling through Space, possibly starving before we even make it there, colonize some far-off planet, and then start up a whole new race there?"

"Yeah, that's basically what I mean."

"Cool, I'm in." Kaoru turned to look at Shinji, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I thought that you would have protested at least a _little_, but this is an interesting turn of events…" Shinji blushed.

"Um…well…I was thinking that…if I wanted to do anything in life, it would be with you…so, naturally, since your offer is meant only for the two of us, I jumped at it…"

"Oh…But Shinji…didn't you know? You're already dead…" Shinji's eyes widened in surprise, and he walked back a couple of paces away from Kaoru, letting go of his hand. "I had thought you had it figured out by now…ever since you've been talking with Death…didn't you think that there were supposed to be some specifications involved? You didn't think Death chose you just because you pilot Eva, did you?" Shinji continued to walk away from Kaoru while he advanced on the retreating boy, Shinji not wanting to believe what he was hearing.

"You're wrong."

"Relax, Shinji…you exist in between the plane of life and death. The reason why Death chose you was because, to yourself, you were already dead. There was no meaning left in life anymore, and your days were hollow, and meaningless. I am real, Shinji. I'm here for you. The only consequences that you'll receive from your deal with Death are an abnormally long lifespan, say, nine hundred years, and you also will not be permitted into the Promised Land…by that time, though, you would have passed away." Shinji stopped moving away from the boy who seemed so foreign to him, but still kept his distance, as if he was dangerous. If Kaoru took a step forward, Shinji would take a step back.

"Please, Shinji…don't you remember…? I already said that I live…only for you…I live to love, Shinji…and the love of an Angel is a pure, unconditional love. Why are you rejecting me…?" Kaoru said, his voice sounding hurt.

"I'm sorry…it's just…after all that I've gone through, to finally be told the truth, that that stupid Death toyed with me, all that time…it's heart-wrenching. I don't want to believe it…I don't want to believe in…in you…If I acknowledge your existence, then I acknowledge the fact that all of the torment that I went through…was…unnecessary…" A single tear fell down Shinji's cheek, and it looked as if he was about to cry. Kaoru rushed to his side, letting him cry into his shoulder, calming him by whispering comforting phrases into his ear.

"I'll never leave you, Shinji. I'll always be there for you, for all of eternity, if you want me to…because I love you…unconditionally…and if love doesn't mean anything, then why love?"

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A/N: Sorry that I didn't get this in earlier. I planned on earlier today, but some things came up, and I had to go to see an event today, which got rained out, so there was basically no point in going! Which was a total waste of my time, but whatever! I got to read some manga (Death Note; even though I love it, I haven't gotten very far in the series…wasn't enough time before I left, and not enough interest…), but other than that, waste of my time.

I realize that Shinji's breakdown at the end would be confusing to people. Well, let me explain it to you, bit by bit. If you were in Shinji's shoes, and your life had no meaning before you met Death, then you would be grateful that you had the opportunity to restore meaning to your life, would you not? But, now that Shinji found out that all the things he did, all the strange, disturbing, and foreign thoughts that had gone through his head, all of the mental torment that he had endured, was basically for naught; Death could have fulfilled Shinji's wish any time he wanted, he just wanted to play with Shinji more. And, with Shinji's mind being so fragile, it…well…broke.

Oh, did anyone get the hidden message in the last line? Huh? Huh? Did ya? Did ya? It's a tough one…tell me if you did! REVIEW!!!!! I shall lock myself up forever in some unknown, damp, and dark corner, where you shall NEVER see and fic that I write AGAIN!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!

Yes, that means that you have to review.


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